When one hears the term “negotiation”, collaboration typically isn’t the next thought that follows. Tony Lopes, Esq., Greater Philadelphia attorney and managing partner at Lopes Law, LLC, aims to change that.
Lopes’ passion is counseling individuals, entrepreneurs, and businesses on the fundamentals of success and goal achievement. His podcast, Self-Made Strategies, strives to act as a resource for those seeking to apply high-level entrepreneurial concepts to their personal and professional projects and goals.
So, what makes Lopes successful in business and negotiation? Embracing a dualistic approach.
Pair of king chess pieces confronted as opposites in black and yellow background.
What is dualism?
Put simply, dualism is the ability to think about a scenario from two different perspectives. While this may seem like an obvious concept to those familiar with negotiation, many find themselves challenged to authentically consider where the opposing side is coming from – a perspective that has deep roots in Western Civilization.
“In the West, we tend to think in a linear way – there is one solution to any given problem,” Lopes explains. “Eastern cultures tend to have more of a split-thinking approach. There can be multiple perspectives and solutions.”
Dualism essentially argues that most things traditionally considered opposites, like hot and cold, are just two halves of the same whole: the extreme ends only defined by their relativeness to the other. In negotiation, a dualistic approach would allow individuals to not only see the opponent’s perspective, but to see both perspectives as part of a larger opportunity for collaboration.
“There is you. There is I. There is us. When you look at it that way it adds this more dualistic approach,” Lopes shares.
How exactly does dualism help in negotiation?
According to Lopes, practicing a dualistic approach in negotiation should lead both sides to identifying and working towards a “mutual goal” as opposed to the fallacy of a comprise - where neither party gets exactly what they wanted.
That said, he’s aware that not every opponent will come to the table prepared to embrace this concept. Lopes’ recommendation? Break the ice by offering the opponent what they want upfront. Do this in exchange for what you want but be prepared that it may take time for them to warm up to your approach.
“You are going to get some pushback because they aren’t used to it,” Lopes explains. “They don’t understand why the other side is offering something ‘too good to be true’. The way to combat this is to be ultra- transparent.”
This is where calling upon a shared interest or goal comes into play. Negotiations can be long, drawn-out, and stressful at times – a process most people, regardless of profession, dread. Lopes explains that a potential strategy could be calling attention to the fact that neither party really wants to spend an excessive amount of time or money arguing. Acknowledging this shared perspective becomes the key that unlocks the door to a potential deal.
How can incorporating duality into our practice lead to more understanding and empathy?
When considering the role of dualism in encouraging empathy, Lopes recalls one of his favorite quotes from Abraham Lincoln, “Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?”
Lopes highlights that with a collaborative approach, it becomes difficult to have enemies, as the value-forward approach naturally disarms people. Dualism gives negotiators the opportunity to validate their opponent, something most individuals are seeking in one way or another. To Lopes, this approach naturally requires compassion, empathy, thoughtfulness, and active listening.
“We are in this position where people are looking for somebody to say –I notice you, understand you, and hear what you’re saying,” Lopes notes. “The more genuine you become; the less antagonism people radiate.”
While he’s deeply passionate about the effectiveness of dualism, Lopes does offer two warnings to those engaging with this approach (on both sides). First, genuineness is a minimum requirement of this at its core level. Faking authenticity to get your way will likely not yield results. On the other hand, don’t take the kindness of a dualistic opponent for granted. This can break down the negotiation and become a deal-killer.
