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How To Navigate Feedback Conversations: Avoid These Common Mistakes

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A Cognitive Scientist at Seattle University, Therese Huston’s passion is straightforward, “I try to help smart people be smarter at work. It’s that simple.”

Huston is also a public speaker, consultant, and author, having just published her latest book Let’s Talk: Make Effective Feedback Your Superpower in early 2021. Her goal: to turn smart research into great practice for growth-minded professionals seeking to bring out the best in themselves and their work.  

“People are hungry for better practice and what does the research have to say?” Huston explains. “I try to package that in a way that people can really use at work.” Currently, Huston is applying her expertise to the subject of feedback in the workplace, hoping to improve employer/employee relations on a higher level.

Common Mistakes Managers Make When Giving Feedback

According to Huston, few professionals are really trained on how to give feedback. That said, there are three common, yet avoidable, mistakes managers often make.

Mistake 1: They don’t give feedback at all.

According to a recent report in Harvard Business Review, 21% of managers admit they don’t provide feedback. Huston recognizes that most managers want to be the “nice boss.” People rarely want to be the one who must give difficult feedback to a colleague or direct report, especially given the hardship many are facing due to the pandemic. 

Mistake 2: They don’t say their good intentions out loud.

Most leaders have good intentions when providing constructive feedback to their employees. The problem is, they assume the receiver knows that as well, which is rarely the case. Research suggests that when people receive bad news, they tend to shoot messenger. 

Mistake 3: They lead with talking and not listening. 

Huston recommends managers practice listening by first asking their employees for their perspective on the situation. Reports show that with this approach the receiver will regard you as much more effective at delivering feedback, despite your words remaining the same.

“People think feedback is about honesty, but it’s really about empathy,” Huston explains.

How to Truly Give Helpful Feedback Instead

So, what does helpful feedback look like? According to Huston, these are the most important tips to remember:

  1. Lead with listening, not talking.
  2. Clarify your good intentions. (A simple statement like “I want good things for you” can go a long way).
  3. Embrace a growth mindset.

Stemming from research by Carol Dweck (Stanford University), when we think about others, we can take one of two perspectives: a growth mindset or a fixed mindset. While a fixed mindset assumes that a person’s behaviors are permanent and incapable of change, a growth mindset assumes that a person is constantly learning and growing.

According to researchers at University of Texas at Austin, when employers encouraged a growth mindset, their managers were 63% more likely to provide feedback to direct reports. 

“If you think ppl are willing to change, then you are more willing to tell them the thing that puts them in the right direction,” Huston notes. “It’s kind of like a self-fulfilling prophecy.”

How to Solicit Helpful Feedback from a Manager

On the other hand, if you are an employee looking to receive feedback from your manager, Huston has helpful strategies for starting the conversation.

Make it easy for your manager

Approach your manager with a list of three self-identified areas you would like to improve. Then ask which they would like you to prioritize. Huston advises that with this approach there is a good chance your supervisor may even add one or two, leading to a more productive conversation.

Ask for clarification on what a highly rated employee looks like.

If you’re at a company that rates employees, perhaps on a scale of 1-5, ask management, “What does a 5 look like?” This will give you clear insight into what improvements may get you to the next level.

Ask management if you are “promotion material”. 

The boldest strategy would be to directly ask your manager, “Am I promotion material?” If they say no, clarify what improvements would need to be made to become eligible for promotion. Give yourself and management a timeline for achieving this goal, then follow-up monthly to confirm you are on track.

Huston wants managers (and employees) to remember that that these conversations will be uncomfortable at first, but ultimately lead to more connected and productive interactions in the workplace.

“A better way to think about this is that we are navigating the feedback conversation,” Huston shares. “I will say some things. You will say some things, and I will listen to what you say.”

Click here to listen to the full episode.

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